Shahid Malik returned to front-line politics today after being cleared following allegations that he'd broken the ministerial code over his housing arrangements. The story broke at the top of the expenses avalanche, and now looks like small beer after duckhousegate, moatgate, secondhousegate and non-existenthousegate. But old Yella doesn't really care that much whether he did get a cut-price deal from his pal or not. What does matter is his first pronouncement in his new role as Communities Minister. He hit the nail squarely on the head when asked about the recent BNP electoral success. For as we all know, the reason that those racists dead-heads actually have two MEPs is (a) because the political elite have failed this country utterly and (b) millions of lazy people who had a golden opportunity to keep the scumbags out of power sat on their hands when they should have been placing a cross in a box. If you didn't vote, your part of the problem. So feel some shame. Obviously Mr Malik was quick to sweep point (a) under the carpet. Not many politicians are much good at the old self-examination. But at least he said it. And who knows - with all the right noises coming from Catchphrase, Boy George and Ian and Duncan Smith (with whom I'm actually developing some empathy - must be old age) things may actually change. Won't be for a good while yet though.
Ha ha! The cat is finally out of the bag! It was that little french tart Nicolas Psykozy himself that snubbed HM The Queen over tomorrow's D-Day commemorations! What a vane little prick he is! He even got his publicity people to airbrush out his love handles when he went canoeing without a shirt on. God, he's a pygmy in every sense of the word. How dare he try to hog the love-in with St Barack of States! Doesn't he know Her Maj actually served in a uniformed service during the war? Probably not. He looks like he comes from a long line of Vichyssoise-type collaborators. The ones that were queueing up to kick a hole in the Maginot line in 1940 to welcome the Nazis in. We brought our country to its knees so that dicks like him and De Gaulle could ponce-on pretending France actually played a worthwhile role in the liberation. All they did was keep out of the way of the British, Canadian and US lions as they roared their way through their tin-pot country. Now he goes on like this! It all boils down to embarrassment at the fact that we had to bail them out of the shit that THEY had got THEMSELVES into. Arseholes! Lions bailing out lambs.
A second minister has resigned from the cabinet this evening. The "sideburned shmoozer" James Purnell - best known for his moon-faced smirk and previous photo fakery - has finally decided to turn it in. But what a way to go! Unlike the Ginger Wheelie Bin, Hazel Blears, he's decided to go down shouting. Writing in a letter specially sent out to all of the papers, he's made it clear that he wants Gordon Brown to go! Blinking flip! At this rate, we'll have no cabinet left by next week, and we'll be staring down the barrel of a general election! Handy for all of the thieves yet to be turned over by the Telegraph. They can shuffle off the political stage reputation intact, and into a wealthy post-Parliament career. Some guys have all the luck! Anyway, with Purnell going, the government's lucky gonk quota has been significantly reduced. What price a Margaret Hodge comeback?
